Emotional Health in Relationships

Part of maturity is developing and sustaining emotional health in intimate relationships.  Part of emotional maturity is learning to deal with issues constructively.  Being emotionally mature means you have developed the capacity to adapt to change as well as the ability to relate to others in a consistent manner.  The list below lists additional personal characteristics that contribute to emotional health in intimate relationships.

1)       How  Self Aware  are both of you?  How much thought goes into self-reflection – who you are, how you react, relate and respond?

2)       Do you  Accept  yourself?  Do you accept who your significant other is?

3)       Are there healthy  Boundaries  in the relationship?  Do you see where your responsibility begins and ends?  Do they?

4)       Are you able to  Communicate  and share feelings with each other?

5)       How much  Time  do each of you dedicate to maintaining a healthy, vibrant relationship?  To what degree is each of you  Persistent  in sustaining a healthy relationship with yourself and with the other?

6)       Are you  Compassionate,  able to feel genuine concern about issues impacting the other person and vice versa?

7)       How  Compatible  are you?  Is there a balance to the likes and dislikes you share?

8)       Are you  Considerate  of your partner’s needs equally to your own needs?

9)       Do both of you have the capacity to feel  Empathy  for the other?  To allow yourselves to feel what the other feels?  Do you each try to see things from the other’s perspective?

10)       Are you  Honest  with each other?  Deception may be camouflaged as protecting the other from worry or strife.  Better to tell the truth up front and allow the other to take the responsibility for dealing with his/her own emotional reactions.  Is there tip toeing and game playing involved?

11)       To what degree are you able to maintain your  Sense of Self  in relation to the other?

12)       To what degree are you able to be  Vulnerable  with the other: being open, letting your guard down, and allowing yourself to be affected by the other?

13)       How much do you  Trust  each other?  How willing are you to let the other person know your deepest personal information?  How much are they will to let you know?  You create trust by doing what you say you will do and build further trust through consistency.

14)       How willing are each of you to stay  Conscious  during the relationship, sustaining efforts to improve and make a difference over time?

15)       How willing are each of you to look at your own behaviors first, to  Improve  your own reactions to problems, rather then point the finger at the other and wait for them to change?  Can you give up the notion that you can change someone else?

16)       To what degree is each of you able to  Delay  short-term gratification to achieve long-term goals?

17)       What is the  Attitude  of each of you with regards to change?  Positive actions will be sabotaged if negative attitudes prevail.

18)       To what degree is each of you  Resilient  in the face of challenges?  The truth is, you will not always feel emotionally safe in your relationship as you face challenges required for growth and improvement.

19)       To what degree can each of you set aside  Self Interests?  Self-interest dominates relationships and destroys love.

20)       Do you  Respect  yourself?  Are you treated as if you are of value?  Do your actions reflect the value you hold for the other?

This list is meant as a guideline rather than an expectation of a perfect relationship, as they don’t exist. Take a personal inventory.  Make note of areas of strength and weakness and consider an individual plan on dealing with your weaknesses.  Better yet, talk with the other about a mutual plan.